I have to say that lately life has been difficult. Not in a terribly bad way but, not good either. I had realizations lately that my anxiety level is through the roof. I listened carefully at church on Sunday, always looking for the shoe that fits. In this case I heard a lot of the word, ‘grace.’ I have also, been listening to more worship music lately. I even have watched two-thirds of ‘I Can Only Imagine’. That movie had me bawling my eyes out this morning. I went through my own movie because, the one I was watching was so powerful. It took me from wanting him to forgive his father upon his return home, when Bart found that his dad had cancer. Oh, that is why I stick to sit-coms and psychological thrillers, just can’t cry that much, lol. Certainly, I am unable to watch movies of this caliber.

After my divorce the last thing you ever want to see is say, ‘The Titanic’, I couldn’t stand love stories or anything else that hit my ‘feelers’.

Well, lately I think I’ve realized I’ve worked my own will back into my life, not so much out of pride, but, I don’t have any Christian friends and the church we have been attending isn’t big on preaching and celebrating the Holy Spirit, this is what I found I was missing some months ago. I’ve started realizing that only Grace, His Grace will be able to make me successful. I  realized I was trying too hard at EVERYTHING!

So, I’m starting with changing me. Counting on God to put things in my way but not to go out searching. I just wish I wasn’t stuck home so much.

Update: I have Crohne’s and my Crohne’s is in a serious flare. That’s one place that explains my severe fatigue. I never considered it. I was in the ER yesterday and had a CT Scan that didn’t reveal anything pleasant.

Everything has been postponed and I am still in pain but it’s under control with the steroids, those lessen the inflammation.

See God did work, I now understand and for that, I feel better, so far. Giggles

About the movie, ‘I Can Only Imagine’ just as they said it was, I was in tears but I’ve never much been one for heartfelt movies for the very reason that I cry too much. It must be true that the reason people cry are for the feelings they are feeling over similar events. I’m thinking. A lot of Mama and Daddy came up, the missing them part.

I survived and I wasn’t ashamed for being human, maybe it will be sooner than later for my next emotional viewing. took many years before I could view ‘Titanic’, having heard it was a love story. But when I watched it I did get emotional, not like now but, I found it to be a very sad movie. Considering my abandonment issues it’s amazing it didn’t take longer than three tries in only three days! An awesome movie.

And I am grateful I am ok today.

♥♥♥